Frontal-Lobe Manager VS Helicopter

Frontal Lobe Manager VS Helicopter Parent

By: Pamela Ruddy

Bill Gates, George Clooney, and even the President of the United States has one. I would imagine most CEO’s in the business world today have one as well. So what do all of these individuals have in common? Personal Assistants! Personal Assistants, or PA’s, are the folks who plan, manage, and execute events for others. Above all, a PA's role is to support his/her principal in their effort to reach set targets and deliver on strategic goals.

Many high level executives and famous personalities are too busy to worry about many of the day to day concerns that need to be addressed. PA’s are often hired to manage those concerns.

As a mother of a child with ASD, I mimic many of the attributes of an attentive Personal Assistant. However, I choose to refer to myself as a Frontal Lobe Manager. On a daily basis, I assist my son with setting appointments, reviewing his calendar, planning for the day ahead and assuring that he is prepared to be successful. I also manage his daily living skills providing checklists with reminders on hygiene (brushing your teeth, changing your clothes), daily chores (making the bed, taking out the trash), and the basics (remembering to eat something healthy, taking your medicine). A child with ASD often finds struggles with remembering these daily habits. As my son’s FLM (Frontal Lobe Manager) I am there to make sure that what should be habit is executed.

Over the years we have tried many different forms of communication to guide my son through his daily routine. Following are a few ideas that we have found to be successful: (1) The mirror in the bathroom contains a daily list of reminders, written in expo marker. It is up to my son to erase each item as he completes it. (2) As my son works through his morning routine there is a dry erase board on the kitchen counter, to remind him of daily events, such as a doctor’s appointment, dance class, or other evening events. (3) As he heads towards the front door there are sticky notes to remind my son of the things he needs for school. (4) And lastly, we text. That is one modern invention I am grateful for. When I text, I use less words and my son pays closer attention to the message rather than tuning me out.

Now you may be thinking, “Well how is this any different than a helicopter parent?” The difference is HUGE. A helicopter parent “hovers” over their child in order to meet their every need. Helicopter parents often blame others for their child’s shortcomings. Often the children of helicopter parents have never experienced failure because the parent is always there to assure a successful outcome, at any cost. In my opinion, this is very unfortunate. If a child is not able to experience failure, how then do they truly understand victory? No parent wants their child to fail. Trust me, my heart has been broken and tears have been shed because of my son’s failures and shortcomings but he has learned from each of them, as have I.

I am not a helicopter parent. Yes, it is true that I am a very involved parent but my expectations for success are placed on my son, not on someone else. I learned a long time ago that my child is not perfect. When concerns arose at school or at home, I discussed with my child how things could be fixed and then we worked together as a team to make it happen. I don’t go running to school the minute there is an issue. I do however contact the school to get their side of the story. I then work with my son and the school to resolve the issue.

There is a difference between these two types of parents. Which one are you?

#FrontalLobeManager