Hugs and Kisses

I know as a mother that I have unconditional love for my children. I have seen them through the good times, the bad and the very bad times. Most days of their upbringing I feel I have done a pretty good job of being a mom.

Unconditional love is a love that has no boundaries or stipulations. It is a “no holds bar” kind of love. You love the person no matter what.

However, there are days that I didn’t like my children very much when they were younger. They often would exhaust me and I would find myself taking a time out just to get away. Especially, when my son would have a major meltdown and I was left picking up the pieces afterwards. This often-left room for my daughter to want more attention and she would than proceed to meltdown, just because. Again, I do, love my children unconditionally.

I look back fondly on those days for that is when we bonded for what would later be an unbreakable relationship. We didn’t go on trips to town and take pictures of all the cool things we were doing like today’s moms. We just survived together and now my children both come to me and ask for advice, tell of stories of their day and the latest goings-on. We have special jokes that only we get which always bring smiles or laughter to us. Keep in mind, that many of those days didn’t exist when they were little. Remember that many of those days didn’t exist when they were little. This relationship took years and evolved as we all learned.

There is one thing that I miss the most. Through the years, my son changed. It’s not that cute baby face or the way he always laughed and then puke, that I miss. It is the hugs and kisses I miss the most. When my son was little, before I recognized his autism, around 2-3 years old, my baby would kiss and love his mommy so much. Then slowly as time went on and other signs of autism became more present the hugs and kisses went away. Since my son turned 4, I can count on one hand the times he has genially hugged me and never a kissed me on the cheek. I often would get so jealous of friends when their kids would just randomly run up and hug and kiss their mommy. Today, I am shocked when he does hug me and I do write those days on the calendar.

I don’t doubt his love for me. I know he loves me and that I am his biggest cheerleader. It is a sad little thing that autism has taken away the intimacy other moms cherish and probably take for granted on a daily basis.

So in this season of love remember to look for the different signs of love and celebrate them with your family. Take those hugs and kisses and make them matter to the moon and back!