Accommodation or Entitlement?

Accommodation or entitlement? Where are the lines drawn so that you can exist in a world that is so fast paced and ever changing? This is a real stickler with me. Lately it seems that things are getting out of control with who gets accommodations and who doesn’t and where do those accommodations end, if ever. The word accommodation is quickly becoming blurred in our society and changing into entitlement.

I recently held an event where there were several people with ASD in attendance. This was great. I loved that they were there and that they took the chance to join me. HUGE! The event went well and many people walked away with a positive thought and inspiration in their heart, except one.

Several days later I received a nasty email from a young man on the spectrum. He accused me of not being sensitive to his needs and that my event made his stress level even greater on what was already a tough evening and how could I be so insensitive to his ASD lifestyle. I, of course, was totally taken back and felt like a total failure. My goal is only to help these young folks not make their already challenging life even more stressful.

Then I stopped and thought about his remarks. First, I truly believe he was made to go to this event. Next, the event was at a very well-known local restaurant, he arrived late, by himself and his snowball continued to grow. Nothing was going his way and he took it out on me. I am ok with that most days. I sent him a very nice reply and suggested he give me some meeting ideas and how I could serve his needs better the next time. B UT WAIT, why do I need to do that? Though I do appreciate him giving me the heads up about how dissatisfied he was with the evening, he did it all wrong. He felt entitled to get his way. I said, no way.

If he really wanted me to take in consideration that fact he needed to be accommodated for this event it should have been done prior to that evening. He should have explained his needs to see if the evening would be something he could do successfully or not. Though I commend him for reaching out to me he needed to be the advocate for himself before the event even happened.

So, I go back to my original thought. Is it accommodation or entitlement? I believe this young man took what he has learned throughout the years and assumed we all would accommodate him. This was not the case. That’s entitlement my dear friends. Accommodations come with boundaries and implementations that take time. Our society doesn’t have an IEP for you. Accommodations are meant to teach how to handle a situation not make it perfect for you.

Lessons learned? For me, double check and make it very clear about where and how events will take place and if you need an accommodation, let me know ahead of time. For my event goers, plan and know that it takes time to get things ready and know that not everyone will accommodate you, especially if you feel entitled.