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Roller-coaster

  • pamela ruddy
  • Aug 6, 2016
  • 3 min read

Originally posted at:

Help! I Want Off This Roller-Coaster!

By: Pamela Ruddy

Clickety-clack, clickety-clack the excitement grows as the roller-coaster begins the climb towards the first hill. I begin to see the crest of the hill and feel the quivering in my heart as it beats faster. This is going to be a thrilling ride that is sure to leave me smiling for days. Then suddenly, whoosh! We’re back at the bottom of the hill and the long slow climb back up the hill begins again. What I have just described mimics daily life with a child who has ASD.

The roller-coaster of life for the parent of a child with ASD can be challenging and the anticipation, gripping. You spend countless hours constructing a plan to provide your child with the best opportunity for success. You speak with teachers, tutors, psychologist, family, friends and anyone else that may be able to lend a helping hand. You set up systems for daily routines, events to come and everyday reminders. You use numerous organizational techniques; notes taped on mirrors, doors used as post-it hot spots and dry erase boards continually updated. All of this takes hours of planning, research and clarification, which all too often results in having to start over at square one. Much like the roller-coaster climbing towards that first big hill, you gain confidence as you go. You think to yourself, “OK, I’ve got this. How bad can it be? “You smile as you settle in and enjoy the ride. And for a while things go well.

Much like the anticipation of that first hill of the roller-coaster, you’re cursing and enjoying the view all at the same time. Sitting in the roller-coaster at the top of the hill, you can see the whole park. It’s an awesome feeling and a fabulous view! Then, AHHHH! You begin to drop, and boy is it fast!! Suddenly notes aren’t being read, clothes aren’t changed, and grades begin to drop. Before you know it, you are the bottom of the hill again, and the slow clickety-clack climb begins once more.

This has been our life for the past seventeen years. Sometimes I just want to get off the ride! I get angry, depressed and every other feeling in between. I cry, yell and (my kids favorite) lecture. There are some days that I wish I had the problems my friends have. Their kids are worried about early acceptance into college. Ha! We don’t even receive junk mail from colleges. I wish I could worry about my son getting through his AP class in order to gain another college credit. Ha! I say again. Unfortunately, I still need to check my son’s grades each day to be sure assignments are being turned in on time. When assignments are not turned in, I once again have to reach out to his teachers to explain that “my son is not being lazy” or “just a teenager”. I am not a “helicopter” parent demanding special treatment for my son, I am a frontal lobe manager.

I realize that all parents face challenges with each child they raise. I also realize that my challenges may not be as arduous or as exhausting as others. Parenting is a day to day struggle. Some days I think to myself “I no longer want to be on this roller coaster of life with an ASD child”. Then I look at that young man whom I love unconditionally. I see how far we have come, not only as mother and son, but as friends who understand each other and accept each other for whom we are. It is at that moment that I pause and say, “Get me another ticket! I’m ready to ride again!”


 
 
 

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